Some really creative emails this week.

I received some really creative and ridiculous emails. All of them have some really good quotable lines. Who do you guys think I should pick?
Comment!

I believe that hat should be in my possession because I need a hat. My previous hats are all undersized from my hair growing too much, and I can wear the Vegas hat. It would give me great deal to pee next to someone in a bathroom and say, "Hey, guess where I got this hat?" He wouldn't know because I would wear it sidewards (backwards with a twist). Then I would use my free hand to spin the hat in his direction and say, "Vegas, baby, Vegas!" If he gives me sass, which he probably will, I can unravel some rubber bands and shoot them at him (after I shake and zipper, of course). The coat rack won't do much for me, but if I build a snowball fight fort or something, who knows, I might need a coat rack. Word, homie.

-Max, Pennsylvania

Hi! I just stumbleupon'd your site today, and what a perfect fit it is! I've been wanting to get a coat rack just like the one you're giving away! If you send it to me, I will put it up at my work where it is very badly needed (I broke the old one...flimsy plastic junk).

-Jim

A good reason why I should get these magnificent items? Because I wrote you a poem about the three items.


Thoughts of all the items I've missed
Leaves me crying in my bed
And if i don't get that coat rack I'll be pissed
I'd also love a Las Vegas hat to sit upon my head

A rubber band ball to make even bigger
Man I will deck out my room with this stuff much the same as a diamond grill on a wigger
Sure he's white, but he's got bling
So won't you please send me atleast one thing?

-Mitchell from Georgia

Dear John,

I regret to say that this relationship can no longer continue. Despite repeated warnings I still found you last week in the company of two hookers, one of which had volunteered her ass to be your personal coke plate. Really, John, snorting lines of coke off a hooker's ass is so 80's! Didn't you learn anything at all from all those pirated DVDs we used to watch? I guess not, since I found you in the aforementioned position just days after our talk about hookers, their asses and your nose can- wait, is this John Banks? Oh, crap...sorry, wrong John, just ignore all that.

As you can clearly see I'm not only full of ribald, ersatz wit, I'm also suffering from entirely too much time on my hands. So, to answer your question as to why you should give me your stuff all I can say is:

I NEED that coat rack. No really seriously. I'm a knitter/crocheter/sewer (as in person who sews, not the pipe poop goes into) and make a lot of scarves, shawls and wraps. I have no where to hang them up so they get wrinkled and the cats sleep on them. After all that time spent making something lovely and nice I hate to see it turned into a smelly, hair-covered cat bed. Wouldn't you?

The rubber band ball is also a 'must have' for me. See I have 3 dogs and 5 cats and the dogs love to chase the ball (well, except the chihuahua, the ball's bigger than her head) but the cats don't really like ball, however the cats LOVE rubber bands, so much so that I've had to start hiding them lest they become fun, rubbery snake substitutes for the cats. With a rubber band ball I would not only have a place to store all my hidden rubber bands but the dogs and cats could play together in harmony at last.

The Vegas Hat has my head aching for it. I love odd caps and frequently wear them when I don't feel like messing with my hair (pretty much always) because I'm an inherently lazy creature.

So if you care for things made with love, a peaceful and harmonious home, animals and wild southern women who scoff at coiffed hair and made up faces then there's really only one clear option isn't there?

Your Adoring Fan,
Kellie, GA

PS I'll be over later with the hookers and coke.